December 12, 1982
I awoke to the sound of laughter today. As I look around my empty apartment, I see no reason for laughing. Although, I actually had the pleasure of speaking with Nick this afternoon, which is a huge plus. I hope to someday take my children around the world, visit every nook and cranny! Until then, I suppose hitting the bottle will have to sub for my tropical oasis. I miss my family. I miss them more and more everyday, it seems life has become one hell after another once again. Fuck you Cath, for taking my world away.
December 27, 1982
I’m starting to notice something odd about myself. I think I’ve gone insane, I truly believe I’ve finally lost it! The voices, they are everywhere now, around every corner. As i walk the streets of this decaying city, I hear them speaking, not always directly to me, but often back and forth to each other in conversation. They mumble about things they enjoy, past experiences, and strange, random thoughts about an almost endless list of topics. Oddly enough, I feel a bit of comfort hearing them speak. I believe the voices are coming from an old man and a young boy. Indeed they are a product of my own imagination. Still, I wonder who they are?
January 3, 1983
I keep waking up in the middle of the night by the sound of a fucking bird flying up against my bedroom window. It’s been happening a couple times a week lately and I can’t put my finger on it. Not only that, but the voices in my head are now being followed by shadows. For some reason I feel like the old man wants me to do something for him, right now I can’t say what that is, but I know he wants something from me. I fear I may end up fucking shit up again. I can’t…I just can’t screw things up again. All I want is to be with my children. Maybe I’ll give one of them a call, whoever will answer a phone call, or maybe I should actually get myself some help this time?
January 13, 1983
The only way to shut those God damn voices up for good is to kill again. It’s the only way. I have to find out whose voices I am hearing and silence them for good! You see, I’ve figured the whole thing out. Those bastards tried to trick me, but I know I’m not crazy! The truth is, the voices I’ve been hearing are actually coming from people in my own neighborhood! That old man and the young boy are very real I assure you. I believe the reason I’ve been hearing them is all thanks to my psychic abilities, which I now realize are a part of this reality. How could I ever doubt myself? Cath was always doubting me, that fucking bitch. I guess for some reason, their thoughts are getting intertwined with mine. I don’t want to hear their shit anymore! Constantly spewing filth and garbage, they are nothing but scum. It’s time to cut the connection we all seem to share, It’s about time I finally stand up for myself.
January 17, 1983
Today is going to be the longest day of my life. I need to actually sleep this afternoon if I’m going to see my plans through smoothly tonight. Just let that damn bird wake me up one more fucking time, I swear to GOD I’ll burn this building to the ground before I leave! No more window for you to shit on now! I refuse to let anything ruin my plans for tonight, no more voices for my closest friends.
“In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.”